When I Was a Troll

TTTO “When I Was a Boy” by Frank Hayes

When I was a troll, on Kuro5hin (*pronounced corrosion*)
Leaving some flamebaits for fun
Getting the newbies to answer
Now kuro5hin’s forgotton, not gone

But it still beat the postings on sci.math
Asking that tired old mine
Querying whether 1.0 is the same
As 0.99999

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot
Modded them upwards to five
And petrified Natalie Portman
Keeping discussions alive
Back when 4chan was not even three-chan
And a CAPTCHA? Oh really, how droll!
And we posted from funny accounts
When I was a troll

When I was a troll on ol’ usenet
Posting on comp.language.c
Explaining ’bout garbage collection
And asking on structures for trees

And you kids who complain that the World Wide Web
Is spammy oughtta cut out your bitchin’
‘Cus when I was a troll every flamewar
Was turned into wars of religion!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,
Modded them upwards to five
And petrified Natalie Portman,
Keeping discussions alive
Back when 4chan was not even two-chan
And a lolcat? Oh really, how droll!
And we posted from wireless networks
When I was a troll.

When I was a troll all the forums
Were belonging to us where they stood
And we wrapped all our memes in macros,
To protect them as best as we could

And we made people in hurl in a bucket
When we linked to some horrible pr0n,
And we rickrolled and goetsed and tubgirled,
Because we could not let you down!

And we wrote all the first posts on slashdot,
Modding them upwards to five,
And petrified Natalie Portman,
Keeping discussions alive
Back when 4chan was not even one-chan
And Anonymous? Oh really, how droll?
And we did all our posting from proxied connections
When I was a troll

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