Never Set Tom Cruise on Fire

In honor of “protest against Scientology” day, I’m doing my bit the best I know how — by poking fun at them.

TTTO “Never set the cat on fire”

Never set Tom Cruise on fire, you only will annoy him
And though he does so raise your ire, this surely won’t destroy him
Much better is to mock his stance, scientology is no advance
No, never set Tom Cruise on fire

Refrain:
And L. Ron Hubbard, these fools, to one, this man admire
And never set Tom Cruise on fire

Dianetics is a foolish thing, so please be sure to leave it
For once you have no sanity, you never will retrieve it
And though you think your life’s a mess, remember it has no success
Dianetics is a foolish thing

[Refrain]

Don’t believe their so-called data, it has now been refuted
It’s spouted off by mindless drones, some criticisms muted
They don’t want you to know what’s true, for with your mind they want to screw
Don’t believe their so-called data

[Refrain]

Don’t convert to this belief, it has no helpful uses
When someone asks you ‘what’s it for?’, you’ll only make excuses
For some real people have been hurt, I’m asking you to be alert!
Don’t convert to this belief

[Refrain]
[Refrain]

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